The Rhythm of my Life

I feel like I am just a zombie, going from class to class.  

I will graduate in 4 years easily.  I’ll have a degree, and a plan, and a backup plan. And money, plenty of money.

But I don’t know if I want to teach. I don’t know if I want to be a leasing manager. I do know that I wasn’t ready to make decisions about my future as a senior in high school.

I keep wondering what happened to that girl who wanted to be so many different things? The girl who wanted to be a music video director, the girl who wanted to be an anchorwoman on the news, the girl who wanted to own her own dance studio.  The girl who said I don’t care if I’m in debt for the rest of my life, as long as I get to go to my dream college.

I settled.

I went to a state school where my tuition was paid.

I took classes that I hated.

I am getting a degree that I don’t even know if I want.

Maybe I’d like being a teacher, but maybe I won’t. What then? 

I just want to run away. Get as far away from this place as possible.

But I don’t want to burn all my bridges if I decide to come back.

If taking a semester off means losing my scholarship, is it worth it?

some moments, I think it is.

Some moments, I want to just play it safe. follow my plan, and take it from there.

I want to find that girl, however deep inside of me she is, and let her decide.